


Jack O'Neill Does Not Put Out For Food (except when he does)

by ELG



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-30
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-12-07 00:13:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/741844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ELG/pseuds/ELG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What was once called 'Documentary Jack' as a working title, eleven years later finally has a new name.</p><p>After a week recovering from a cold and separated from Daniel, Jack is bored, lonely, and addicted to the Discovery Channel. Luckily Daniel arrives home in time to get his mind back on more important matters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jack O'Neill Does Not Put Out For Food (except when he does)

Jack O'Neill flicked lethargically through his hundred plus channels for the forty-third time. Things had come to a dismal pass when sports made his head ache. He could watch the documentaries because they tended to be quiet but a lot of them were boring and some of the others were downright disturbing. He'd managed to stepping stone through the first couple of days finding programs about dinosaurs. But half of the time they never dug up the whole skeleton or they had to leave the site and things were unresolved and there weren't enough graphics of Tyrannosaurs and Spinosaurs or the other big, interesting dinosaurs. As far as he could tell paleontologists got as excited about little fish as they did about the really good fossils. The archaeological and wildlife programs had been interesting at first but only because he'd been trying to make mental notes so he could astonish Daniel with his new knowledge; then they'd become disconcerting. 

He was now incapable of concentrating on anything except the fact that the mission ended today which meant Daniel would be home again. He knew he was lucky it had been a short trip to a previously discovered world with Daniel just heading up a small diplomatic unit who were going to finalize a treaty signing. With some missions you never knew how long they were going to take: days, weeks; if things went badly wrong, sometimes even months. But this one had come with a timetable so he knew Daniel was due back in the SGC at 5pm Jack O'Neill Time. Which meant he could be home…

Jack checked his watch again. Any minute…

"Jack…?"

Now.

As Daniel walked into the room, Jack realized any possibility of playing hard to get had just been lost because he couldn't stop his face nearly splitting in two.

Daniel's smile lit up the room in response. Daniel didn't smile that often so when he did Jack liked to take a moment to enjoy it. He knew he was lovesick and had never been exactly unbiased anyway. How many people saw the faults in their closest friends? How many people saw the faults in their particular chosen one? How many guys head over heels in love took a few minutes out every day to remind themselves the object of their affection could be a pissy, unreasonable little SOB some days? Well, not this guy that was for sure, because, looking at Daniel with his eyes crinkling with happiness, he swore he had never seen anything so beautiful in his whole damned life.

"Daniel…?" He couldn't stop his grin getting bigger and sillier as he said the name. God but he loved saying that name.

Daniel dumped his bag on the floor and crossed over the room in a couple of strides. He put his hand on Jack's forehead. "How are you feeling? Did you remember to drink enough liquids? Did you take your temperature this morning like you promised?"

Jack decided actions would speak better than words. He reached up, grabbed Daniel's shirt and yanked him down onto the sofa.

After a moment's breathless physical examination, Daniel came up mussed and panting. "Well, I'll go out on a limb here and say you're recovering pretty well."

Jack pulled him down for another kiss, this time maneuvering himself on top so Daniel couldn't go springing up without wriggling out from underneath him. He fitted his lips to Daniel's and took a moment for a long leisurely exploration of Daniel's mouth, checking his tongue for any damage sustained with particular care.

Jack reluctantly lifted his mouth from Daniel's so he could breathe. "Well, you still have all your teeth anyway. I'd better check out the rest of you though."

"Wait –" Daniel put his hands up to Jack's face. "I need coffee and you need some hot food."

"I've been eating while you were away."

Daniel wrinkled his nose. "Take out and microwaved junk."

Jack's lust momentarily warred with his hunger. "You're going to cook for me?"

Daniel nodded. "Yep. I got this great recipe from a woman called Glissanti on P4X-019. You have got to try this. I bought the ingredients on the way home."

"You went shopping when you could have been with me?" Jack knew Daniel had him beaten for reproachful looks but he could still muster up a pretty good kicked puppy expression himself.

Daniel looked up at him and visibly wilted. "I wanted you to have something good to eat."

Jack pointed to the stairs. "Well, go upstairs and take your clothes off then."

"You'll like this food." Daniel nuzzled into the base of Jack's neck. "I promise you. And you need to build up your strength for your next mission."

Jack groaned. "Don't tell me. Hammond allocated us that place with the primordial swamp that looks like something from the Cretaceous period?"

"No, he allocated us a week off to rest and –" Daniel blinked at him in confusion. "Did you just accurately name an epoch?"

"I didn't mention the epoch, I mentioned the period, but the era would be the Paleozoic."

Daniel moistened his lips, unconsciously distracting Jack completely from paleontology in the process. "Okay, who are you, and what have you done with Jack?"

Jack bent down to nuzzle Daniel's jaw. "Don't you like me better? I can talk about fossils."

"I don't know much about fossils." Daniel turned his head to kiss Jack's forehead. "Robert was the one who did paleontology. I did linguistics."

"A career choice I bless every time you talk dirty to me in Russian. Who needs a partner who can successfully identify a trilobite anyway?"

Daniel put his hand on Jack's forehead. "You know what a trilobite is too? Now you're scaring me."

"Do you know how many documentaries there are in a day? Did you know that Homo sapiens is one of only 185 species in the primate order?"

Daniel was looking decidedly anxious now. "Please don't tell me you can name them all?"

Jack began to undo the buttons of Daniel's shirt. "There are four major divisions. The prosimians, the New World Monkeys, the Old World Monkeys, and the hominoid primates. That's us and the other big guys like gorillas and chimps and things." He rubbed his face against the smooth skin of Daniel's chest, breathing in his scent. He looked up to see how Daniel was taking his newfound knowledge and found Daniel looking a lot more dismayed than impressed. "What? You don't want to talk about primates?"

"I think you need some hot food." Daniel wriggled out from underneath him with the skill of long practice, pausing to press a kiss into Jack's hair on the way. "Lots of hot food."

Jack looked after his departing figure plaintively. "I thought you said you didn't believe that paper Ferretti wrote?"

Daniel paused and looked over his shoulder. "I don't. And you don't know it was Ferretti who wrote it."

"Who else would it be?"

Daniel considered and then shrugged. "Well, no one comes to mind."

"It was Ferretti and one day he needs to pay big."

"I'll just make you some food – because you look hungry. Not for any other reason." He moved off to the kitchen and twice his normal speed.

"I don't put out for food!" Jack called after him reproachfully.

There was a pause before Daniel put his head back around the door, an expression of badly concealed disappointment on his face. "You don't?"

"You know damned well I…!" Jack looked at his expression and narrowed his eyes. "Okay, very funny. Now go feed me, and if the meal's good enough you just might get lucky."

The 'paper' called 'An Analysis of the Strengths & Weaknesses of the SGC's Premier First Contact Team' had been left on all their desks. At first sight it had looked so official they'd all been taken in, then the contents of the analysis had given the game away.

"Major Samantha Carter – a brilliant scientist and brave soldier who has what could be a useful tendency to attract the attentions of men who will die soon afterwards. The SGC has not yet utilized this asset of hers to its full potential but NID believe that properly focused this could help to…."

"Doctor Daniel Jackson – can disarm almost any alien species encountered except for the Goa'uld who invariably kill him. Fortunately for the SGC he isn't called 'Lazarus Jackson' for nothing. Despite an impressive facility with ancient languages the good doctor has unfortunate difficulties with the word 'no'. Has been found sexually attractive by a wide variety of alien entities of various genders many of whom have partaken of his 'wares' with or without his consent including…."

"Colonel Jack O'Neill – in all other ways an excellent career soldier, however, his Achilles heel is his greed which is directly linked to his libido. Will readily exchange sexual favors for food sometimes with near-fatal results such as on the planet called 'Argos' and again on…."

Oddly enough the pages that should have dealt with Teal'c had all been neatly ripped from the folder and there was instead a cramped handwritten note at the end of Jack's section saying only: 'The Jaffa, Teal'c, has no eccentricities of any kind which NID consider of any relevance or interest to this document.' Teal'c however had just looked blank and mildly curious when Jack had stormed into his quarters to wave the report under his nose.

"You know who did it! Damnit, Teal'c I can practically hear the bones of Ferretti's arm grating as you shove it up behind his back!"

"I have no comment to make on the matter, O'Neill."

"This isn’t funny!"

Teal'c had raised an eyebrow in his most annoying manner. "That is a matter of opinion. Although I do not personally agree with them, I have heard several people state that they did in fact find it most amusing."

"I don't give it up for food! Daniel never slept with Chaka or Ra or 'half the population of P3X-797'! Carter never…okay, maybe the stuff about Carter was right but –"

Which was when Teal'c had smiled politely. "Good afternoon, Major Carter."

He'd turned around to a lasering by two indignant blue eyes. Carter had stomped off in a huff and his later totally innocent attempt to just double check that a few things in the report about Daniel were just as inaccurate as he thought they were had caused Daniel to stomp off to the canteen to join her. The next mission had been full of bitchy little comments darted in his direction from Daniel and Carter who had both brought up Laira's home cooking at every opportunity. He still owed Ferretti for that.

Naturally the 'Black Widow' jokes about Carter hadn't continued, nor had the jokes about Daniel winning over the natives with his nice smile and willingness to go along with local customs even if they involved him taking off all his clothes. But the jokes about the way to Jack's dick being through his stomach had just got worse and worse.

"Sir, you do know I'm just handing you an MRE, right? This isn't a proposal of marriage."

"Very funny, Carter. Want to be a captain again?"

"Jack, I think you need to be on your guard in this place. These are a very friendly people and it's almost certain some of them are going to offer you food. Try to hang onto your self control if you can."

"Ha ha, Daniel. Want to sleep in the bathroom from now on?"

"O'Neill, the people of P2X-419 are renowned for their – "

"Is this something about food? Because if it's something about food, I don't want to hear it. Okay? Do I make myself absolutely clear?"

"Indeed, O'Neill."

Yes, he'd certainly got a bellyful of that joke. But the home cooking from Daniel had almost made amends. Just as he'd found himself keeping an extra wary eye on Daniel's behavioral responses to new people when they traveled through the 'gate he guessed Daniel had decided that while there probably wasn't any truth in that assertion that Jack O'Neill had really slept with Laira because of her apple pie, there wasn't any harm in learning how to cook it himself. In the past Daniel's cooking had tended to be distinctly Mediterranean in flavor but since the 'report' had got out he'd started asking Jack about the food in Minnesota. He still came back with exotic recipes from time to time but there had been a lot of solid American food in between of the kind Jack liked best. 

Settling back onto the couch with his hands behind his head, Jack decided some counting of his blessings might be in order. He had survived five whole days without Daniel and Daniel, astonishingly enough, had survived five whole days on a mission without him. His cold was getting so much better he felt almost well again. Daniel was about to cook a meal for him, and although there was an outside possibility it might be disgusting there was a much better than even chance it would be wonderful. He and Daniel had a week in which they could rest, relax, and do exciting things to each other's naked bodies. Jack gave a sigh of contentment. Things were looking good, and if he got his way, in a couple of hours time they would be looking even better….

***

There was nothing quite like showering with a friend. Not only was it more companionable and there was always someone at hand to pass the soap, there was that warm glow of satisfaction a guy got from knowing he was helping to conserve water….

Now, as the warm water sprayed over them, Jack kissed Daniel gently, savoring the taste of him, the soft warmth of his lips, the accommodating sweetness of his mouth, while his fingers carded through Daniel's short wet hair. 

He still remembered the shock of seeing him like that, with his head shorn; looking so young and so different. It was as though a connection had been broken; a role altered in that instant. Up until then Daniel had been the Daniel he had taken to Abydos on the first mission; the wayward man-child genius it was his job to protect and nurture; to be astonished by and proud of; to let run loose but with a fine cord attached so Jack could always find him again. A mixture of a maddeningly smarter younger brother and adopted child, who he had only very recently learnt to treat as a friend and equal. He had been aware that Daniel was physically attractive in the same way he was aware that he had no combat training: as something that might cause him harm. He mistrusted the motives of women who wanted to get close to him; sincerely doubting their intentions were platonic. He had been downright scared for Daniel on Hadante; seeing every man there as a potential rapist of his blissfully oblivious teammate. His first assumption about the Touched had been that they had taken Daniel to rape him. His second that they would beat him to death afterwards….

But there had never been any thought of wanting Daniel for himself until Hathor cut his hair. It had obviously been a wall he'd erected so quickly and so thoroughly he hadn't even noticed its construction. Then suddenly he'd been looking at a naked, bewildered, and undeniably beautiful young man whom he barely recognized. This was Daniel, certainly, but it wasn't Daniel as he remembered him. This was a subtly different Daniel. One that could – if he wasn't very careful – seem downright desirable to him.

After that it had been a battle not to notice things about Daniel in the same way it was a battle not to notice things about Carter. A good team leader did not notice his second-in-command had breasts. A good friend did not notice his male friend's skin was so flawless and soft; that his mouth was disconcertingly beautiful; his eyes such a stunning shade of blue; and he would not, could not, should not check out the rounded curves of his ass…. 

He was so glad he didn't have to keep up that struggle any longer. Quite apart from the mental strain it would have put one hell of a damper on moments like this…. Now, wet naked skin rubbed against his, muscle, bone and soap-flavored flesh. They broke the kiss reluctantly and Jack nuzzled in against Daniel's neck before gently nipping a rounded shoulder, feeling Daniel shiver against him. He still felt a little light-headed from a week of fever; his joints still ached slightly but with the scent, taste of feel of Daniel against his mouth and fingers he was feeling stronger and healthier with each passing minute. He stroked a hand up the inside of Daniel's thigh, carefully avoiding his testicles, wanting to make this last, just stroking the smooth skin there. Daniel pressed in against the base of his throat, lapping at his collarbone, licking the shower water as it ran down from his neck. Daniel was opening his legs for him, and Jack ran a firm finger along his perineum, making him shudder. "I missed you…" he breathed into Daniel's hair.

"I missed you too…" Daniel whispered it into his neck.

Jack stroked Daniel's entrance, teasing him gently with a forefinger; loving the feel of Daniel shivering against him, that warm wet body rubbing against his eagerly. With the thumb of his other hand he stroked a circle on Daniel's cheekbone before kissing him again, harder this time, their tongues dueling before Daniel gave him entrance to a hot welcoming mouth, sucking on his tongue in invitation. Jack slipped his finger in a little deeper and Daniel straddled his legs, straining against him, a combination of tendon-twanging want and relaxed acquiescence that was unbelievably arousing. By mutual consent they had decided this would be a foreplay-only session; teasing and tantalizing one another's bodies to pleasurably tingling readiness. They were trying to extend their repertoire, pacing themselves for the middle age that Jack's knees had already reached and his body was going to be hitting in a couple of years. As they broke apart to breathe, Daniel almost immediately sucked at Jack's neck, then licked and kissed a path down his throat to his nipples, tonguing them to pleasurable hardness. Jack pushed his finger in deeper, finding the prostate gland and stroking it expertly. They knew each other's pleasure points so well now; carried thermal imaged mental maps of one another's hot spots. With a week off from the SGC stretching ahead of them all kinds of often forbidden pleasures could be indulged in. Love bites could be left on the skin; penetrative sex could be indulged in without worrying about medical exams revealing any telltale proof of it; hot semen could be pumped deep into forbidden places instead of the evidence being hidden in a condom that would then have to be incinerated. Sometimes Jack thought the restrictions were a good thing; had made them both more imaginative and more considerate; but there were other times when they were just frustrating. Right now he was eagerly looking forward to several days of indulging themselves in every way they liked.

Daniel finished sucking at Jack's left nipple and moved over to his right; he was moving his hips slightly as he tongued Jack's chest, angling Jack's finger in just the right place to make himself shudder with pleasure.

Jack slipped the finger out to gently stroke Daniel's testicles, using his other hand to gently raise his head from his breast to kiss his mouth again. For a moment they gazed at one another through the fine spray, Daniel's eyelashes black and spiked with the water, pupils dilated, eyes unblinking as he stared into Jack's eyes. That was the look that turned Jack's aching knees to water every time. He stroked his thumb down Daniel's mouth, breathing gently, "Hey…?"

A flicker of that heartbreaking smile. "Hey, yourself."

Jack leant in and kissed him again, tender and gentle this time, lips just brushing lips. He saw Daniel close his eyes, leaning against him, lips parting, the body language telling Jack that Daniel was his, absolutely and completely. Jack wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in even closer, kissing him again, hungry for him and drunk with the taste of him as that warm soft mouth brushed against his over and over again….

***

Jack sat back on the couch with a sigh of contentment. Water was still trickling down his shoulder blades and glistening in his chest hair but he was pleasantly warm and aroused from the shower and pleasantly anticipating Daniel's arrival. He had a towel wrapped around his hips and nothing else. Daniel had gone to fetch his robe, still worrying about Jack's cold. Jack had sighed and rolled his eyes while still feeling that little inner glow that came from being fussed over by Daniel. His body was still tingling with anticipation from all the places Daniel's lips had touched.

"Here you are." Daniel held out a toweling robe.

Jack looked at the white oblong of the towel wrapped around Daniel's slender hips and reached out for it automatically. Daniel slapped his hand away. "Put this on first. You don't have to do it up."

Jack sighed in fake exasperation and pulled the toweling robe on. Although he wouldn't have admitted it, his back had been feeling a little cold, but he determinedly didn't belt it up.

Daniel sat down on the couch next to him and turned his head to kiss Jack tenderly on the lips. "Where were we?"

Jack reached out to stroke those short strands of hair back, astonished all over again by how beautiful Daniel was, how disconcertingly young he looked when he was relaxed and happy. "I taped things for you."

"What?" Daniel blinked at him in confusion. 

"Programs about Egypt. And anthropology. And the Romans. You're interested in so many things I had to use ten different tapes." He darted Daniel a sideways look, not sure if he'd just been especially mushy or just idiotic.

The expression on Daniel's face was in the process of melting from surprise into incredibly tender, and Jack felt his guts turn to Jell-O at the look in Daniel's eyes. Daniel leant forward and kissed him. "Thank you."

"You've probably seen them all before."

"Doesn't matter. Things are always better the second time anyway."

Jack kissed him back, closing his eyes as that soft mouth touched his. He'd never thought he'd get that feeling of completeness again with any other human being but he got it from Daniel every day. "I watched some of them."

Now he really had surprised him. Daniel blinked at him. "You did?"

"I thought we could have conversations about things you're interested in when you got back."

Daniel gave him a look that was borderline adoring. "That was so sweet I think we should have lots of sex right now."

Jack smiled smugly. "I was hoping you'd say that." He kissed a trail from Daniel's mouth up to his left eye. When Daniel obligingly closed his eyes, he kissed him on the eyelid. "Do you wear a face mask when you go into old tombs?"

Daniel's eyes snapped open. "What?"

"Because you know about the fungi right? There are mold spores in there. If you had a weakened immune system then you could be susceptible to…."

"I know." Daniel used the edge of Jack's robe to blot water from his chest hair. "I wear a mask when examining mummies. Cross my heart and hope not to die of a bacterial infection."

"Okay, just as long as you know about it, because that woman died only a couple of years back so the mold must still be active –"

"I know about it, I promise. We always wear masks so as not to damage the site or get damaged ourselves. It's…S.O.P."

Jack nodded in relief. "Okay." He reached under Daniel's towel, stroking a hand up one smooth thigh, then gave him his most disgusting leer. "Want to sit on my lap and wriggle?"

Daniel grinned back at him. "I thought you'd never ask."

As Daniel slid gently onto Jack's lap, moving gingerly out of deference to the ravaged state of Jack's cartilage, Jack had another of those disconcerting memories surface. Jack slid a hand under Daniel's towel and then frowned. "Have you ever watched a chimpanzee troupe?"

Daniel turned his head to look at him. "That's possibly the least romantic thing anyone has ever said to me."

"I'm serious." Jack automatically ran a hand up and down Daniel's thigh as he spoke, his fingers fascinated as always by the fineness of his skin, how smooth and unmarked it was apart from the one small scar he always stroked more gently. "They're always doing it."

Daniel twisted round on his lap. "Well, stand aside, Jane Goodall…."

Jack gently nipped the back of his neck. "The alpha male is always mating with everyone else to show he's the boss and for…comfort."

"Yes." Daniel looked at him in confusion. "And?"

Jack made a face. "I like to think I'm more evolved than a chimpanzee, that's all."

"You're the one who pointed out we're all hominoid primates."

Jack rubbed his face gently against the wet smooth skin of Daniel's back, licking his spine to taste soap and flesh while Daniel exhaled with pleasure. "I've never had sex with you to show I'm the alpha male."

"I know that." Daniel twisted his head around again. "You know that, too, right?"

"Right." Jack wasn't sure how sure he was about that but Daniel seemed certain enough for both of them. 

Daniel had once explained to him that being an alpha male wasn't synonymous with being a macho prick; it was to do with taking responsibility for those weaker than oneself; for carrying the burden of leadership. At the time when Daniel had been 'explaining' it their voices had been somewhat raised but it had turned into Daniel rather unexpectedly paying him a compliment and him rather unexpectedly telling Daniel that he loved him, damnit, even when he was being an annoying little sonofabitch. But it was still a pleasant surprise that Daniel hadn't argued with him about being the alpha male today. The one thing guaranteed to make Jack O'Neill throw a temper tantrum would be to hear that Teal'c was more alpha than he was. He didn't dispute that Teal'c was an alpha male but he would have argued with his dying breath that Teal'c's alphaness was greater than his. In the past Daniel had seemed occasionally to be straying down that path by mentioning that obviously as Teal'c was stronger and older and probably had greater…but no, these things really couldn't be compared, and gosh was that the time, he really had to go and have Janet Fraser jab painful needles into his butt as that was something he'd been eagerly looking forward to for a while now….

One of the many things he loved about Daniel was how hard Daniel worked to avoid hurting his feelings. Unfortunately that did mean he couldn't always rely on him to be a hundred percent honest with him and Jack still had a lingering suspicion that wanting to shove his dick into Daniel's ass at every opportunity might actually mean he was a lot less evolved than he liked to think he was.

He slid his fingers between the taut curves of Daniel's ass, seeking the opening he had already prepared in the shower. "But I might have done it for…you know…?"

Daniel gave a little jolt of arousal as Jack's probing finger found his entrance. "Comfort?"

"Yes." Jack kissed his spine again. "Does that make me a chimpanzee?"

Daniel twisted his head round, moving into the rhythm of Jack's finger. "You find sex with me comforting?"

Jack grimaced, wondering if he'd just said something that would spark a major hissy fit. "Sometimes. Yes. Sorry."

Daniel gave him a flash of his unexpectedly brilliant smile before turning back round. "I thought it was just me."

"What?" Jack nuzzled in behind Daniel's left ear. "You don't mind? I find it exciting, too. The most exciting thing on the planet. It's nothing to do with…taking you for granted. It's just become the –"

"Ultimate comfort?" Daniel nodded, reaching back to gently caress Jack's testicles. "For me too."

It was Jack's turn to blink in confusion. He tilted his head to look at Daniel's face. "You find sitting on my dick…comforting?"

"Yes." Evidently seeing Jack's expression, Daniel hastily amended, "I mean, I find it sexy, too – very sexy. But it's…you're…very nice to come home to."

"Does that make us chimpanzees?" Jack slipped his finger in deeper and began to gently stroke Daniel's prostate. 

"It makes us cousins of the chimpanzees." Daniel shrugged. "It might make us a little boring and middle-aged as well."

"There are worse things." Jack slipped another finger in and it slid in easily. Daniel was ready for sex, he was just being extra careful.

"It isn't going to inhibit you, is it?" Daniel twisted his head round while wriggling pleasurably against Jack's fingers. "Thinking you're acting like a chimpanzee every time we do it?"

"I don't know." Jack kissed his spine again. 

Daniel reached for his cock, stroking it to full hardness. "Let’s find out."

As they slipped together so easily and so pleasurably, Jack guessed they probably were behaving like unevolved primates. He gasped with pleasure as he slid in deeper; feeling Daniel's body welcoming him in. "At least we're not just doing it to…procreate." 

"Absolutely. Recreational sex is definitely the sign of an evolved species." 

They rocked together in perfect rhythm. Jack could feel the comfort flowing through him right along with the arousal. 

"Except Bonobo chimps have recreational sex. There was this documentary about them on the Discovery Channel…."

Daniel twisted around and Jack obligingly moved his head so they could kiss. Daniel sucked on his tongue tenderly for a moment then nuzzled his cheekbone before murmuring, "Jack, you're definitely not a chimpanzee. I'm an anthropologist, trust me on this."

Jack looked into his eyes. "Are you certain?"

"Absolutely positive." Daniel leant back against him, resting his face next to Jack's as he arched backwards, beginning to work his hips faster as he encouraged Jack to thrust deeper and harder. "You're much too tall and nothing like hairy enough, and, besides, I would never have sex with a chimpanzee."

"Okay." Jack stroked his hand down Daniel's shaft, slowly at first, then faster. "Have you ever been to a necropolis?"

Daniel paused for a second then pushed down slowly. "A couple of times. I always wear a face mask."

"You go wriggling down all those semi-submerged corridors the size of cat flaps into places full of dried up corpses that could have died of…?"

Daniel sighed and pushed down again. He sounded weary but loving, rather disconcertingly similar to the way Sara had so often spoken to him. "Jack, when I'm away will you please make me a promise?"

Jack nuzzled into his spine, pumping his shaft as he did so, while Daniel continued to gently push back against the rocking motion of his hips. "I'll do anything except take up flower arranging."

"Don't watch any more documentaries. Not unless I'm here with you."

Jack pumped him harder. "What so you just want me to watch CNN, ESPN and the porn channel?"

Daniel gave a gasp of pleasure; sweat trickling down his spine. "We get a porn channel?"

"I was just testing. Wanted to be sure you were paying attention." Jack leant forward to lick off the salty droplet, pumping Daniel's cock more quickly, fingers slippery on the shaft, in time to his own rapidly increasing thrusts.

Daniel made an inarticulate sound that Jack had used to think denoted pain but which he now knew meant he was hitting his sweet spot with perfect accuracy. "I…um…oh god…I'm definitely paying attention…."

"Good, because I'd hate you to miss this…." Jack increased his thrusts, mouthing at Daniel's back hungrily as he did so, holding him tight as they both climbed the climax mountain together before billowing to a safe landing on the couch in a tangle of wet toweling and sweet salt kisses.

As he recovered his breath, Jack half-heartedly tried to separate his limbs from Daniel's. He realized they'd ended up lying prone on the couch with Daniel underneath and him on top. He nuzzled the back of Daniel's neck lovingly. "You okay?"

Daniel turned his head. "I don't know. Did you see a documentary on the hazards of having sex on a couch? How much danger am I in right now?"

Jack decided that now would be a good time to remind him where his dick was right now.

"Ow!" Daniel wriggled deliciously. "Bastard."

Jack kissed the back of his neck. "Love you, Doctor Jackson."

Daniel twisted around, dislodging Jack's cock from its warm haven in the process but making up for it with a kiss that made his heart do handstands. Daniel ran his fingers through Jack's drying hair, wriggling down on his back between Jack's legs, and pulling Jack down on top of him for another breath-stealing kiss before reluctantly releasing him. "Love you too, Colonel O'Neill."

Jack looked down at the man lying on the couch and felt that weird tight feeling in his chest happen again, love and fear; the knowledge of absolute happiness and the fear of losing it combined. He bent his head to brush his lips across Daniel's. "Want an action replay? I think Nyquil has aphrodisiac properties it doesn't mention on the bottle."

Daniel kissed him back just as gently, blue eyes alight with love and mischief. "I don't know. Can we ever have wild monkey sex again without you worrying about being a chimpanzee?"

Jack kissed him harder, slipping his tongue inside Daniel's obligingly open mouth. "I think so."

Daniel broke the kiss reluctantly, before flopping back onto the couch with his arms above his head. He stretched luxuriously. "Do I have to feed you again first?"

Jack gave him his best scary colonel look. Unfortunately Daniel was giving him best sweaty naked and wanton take me anyway you like I'm yours look, which tended to turn the scary colonel look into a faint with desperate lust colonel look in double quick time. He fought off his hardening cock for long enough to narrow his eyes. "Have you got a banana?"

Daniel blinked at him in momentary surprise. "There's one in the kitchen."

Jack bent down and kissed him, meeting his gaze. "You get it for me and you get to sit on it. How about that for an arrangement?"

Daniel returned his gaze. "That's disgusting."

"I can be much more disgusting than that if you like."

"Want me to get you a tire you can swing on, too?"

Jack gave him his best leer. "You going to come swing on it with me?"

Daniel tried and failed to suppress a grin, turning his head away in a vain attempt to hide it. "Maybe…."

Jack also grinned, leaning over to catch that smile Daniel wasn't managing to hide. He rewarded him with a gentle kiss. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

"I missed you so much I sat through five straight days of the Discovery channel."

"I missed you so much I asked Ferretti to explain the rules of ice hockey to me and then test me on it afterwards."

Jack's jaw dropped. "You didn't?"

Daniel gave a rueful shrug. "I did."

Jack grinned in satisfaction. "You must have it _bad_."

Daniel turned his head to look at the telltale pile of videocassettes forming a leaning tower by the VCR. "Hey, I'd say you were in a little trouble yourself there, monkey man."

Jack sighed and nuzzled Daniel's bare chest. "Do you think there's any hope for us?"

Daniel sighed back. "Nope. I'm very afraid this particular affliction is going to be with us until the day we die."

Jack settled down next to him on the couch, Daniel obligingly turning onto his side so Jack could spoon in behind him. Jack ran a hand through Daniel's hair the wrong way, trying to make it stand up like cat fur. Daniel wriggled in against him, abruptly alerting Jack's barely clad body to the very close proximity of perfectly naked Daniel pressing against him. He kissed the back of Daniel's neck. "Want to watch some TV or shall we just pick fleas off each other?"

Daniel reached around for the remote, moving it out of the way of Jack when he tried to grab it. "No, you don't."

"I want to see the last part of that one about the pyramids."

"Well, I want to watch hockey." 

Jack stared at the back of his head in disbelief. "Hey, who's the alpha male around here?"

Daniel twisted around to give him best quelling glare. "You may be the alpha male but I have the remote. That means we watch hockey. I want to know how many lies Ferretti told me."

"Dozens I expect." Jack nestled in behind him, snagging a pillow so he could prop himself up high enough to see past Daniel's head as the sports commentator's voice began to blare through the living room.

"Oh, I don't know. He was right about one thing." Daniel settled back in against him, the smooth curves of his rear seeming to fit perfectly against the warm comfort of Jack's groin.

Jack drank in his scent and thought how wonderful it was to have Daniel home safe and alive and well and naked and in love with him. "What?"

Daniel smiled seraphically, his face a picture of innocence as he turned up the volume to drown out Jack's inevitable yelp of indignation. "You do put out for food."

##### The End

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.


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